My Love Story With Men Of The Gay Community
Dating men can be tricky. Dating men is no easy feat. Take it from me; I am a thirty-three-year bi-curious woman, which means having the option to date only other women, while still walking into the raging dating flames. While the dating waters are cool, there are still things a bi-curious woman should know when dating men.
The first relationship that I had with a guy was nothing short of disaster. I had just started seeing this bi-curious guy who knew a lot about me from reading books and magazines and having long conversations with me over coffee. We had some great times, so I decided to take my chances with a relationship with him. Boy did I mess up big time.
The first problem with my decision to start dating men was that I had completely under-estimated what it would actually be like to be on the receiving end of a bi-curious man’s advances. The moment I put on my bicuspid penis ring and became available for his sexual advances, I felt like I would transform into some sort of cuddle worm. Or at least that’s how I felt while walking through the park in the mornings or sitting in the park during the evenings. That sort of transformation only last about fifteen minutes before I became so disgusted that I vomited all over him. Fortunately I recovered in time to make it to the second date, where my sexual feelings were still very strong.
So now I’m faced with a dating dilemma. Should I go after my man’s ego, or should I pay attention to what is really important to me by going after his ego? I have decided to go after his ego. That is, if it is one worth pursuing then great, if not, then at least I will try to make a good impression on him so that he thinks twice about inviting me to join his “friends” list. This is exactly what I did when I joined Instagram, a social networking site for online socializing.
I began by being mildly self-conscious about the fact that I had to create an account just to add Instagram links to my personal profile. This made me realise that I was placing a lot of value on my looks because I was hoping this would attract more men to become “friends.” The sad thing is that the quality of my life is not really all that dependent on my looks. I have great friends and great family who love me no matter what I am wearing or what I am thinking about doing. The quality of my life is not directly impacted by what other people think about me; nor do I rely on what people think about me to provide me with an income.
Thus, it follows that the most important ingredient to dating men for me has been the quality of my relationships with my straight women. The quality of our relationships plays a very important role in how happy we are and how fulfilled we are with our lives. It is my belief that there are many straight women who are also seeking out friendships with other women; some are doing this out of fear of leaving their male partners, some out of necessity (like being faced with a sudden deadline that must be met), others out of a desire for adventure. Whatever the reason, there are many queers looking for friendships and dating men with whom they can identify with and share common interests.
Therefore, the most important ingredient to a good relationship for me has been the quality of my experiences with my Queer dating men. This is because the stories shared between friends help us understand each other better and, more importantly, it helps us to sympathize with the other person’s experiences and concerns. Thus, I have learned that I am not the only one who has been hurt by a lack of empathy from a man who lacks the ability to see past the basic similarities between us. Although some people might look down upon my interest in dating men as shallow or whiny, I feel that it has enabled me to develop friendships with other queers, which in turn has enabled me to find myself in rewarding relationships.
For many bisexual women, the process of dating starts with an interest in more traditional relationships. Once these relationships mature and become more serious, bi-curious women are confronted with the decision whether or not to date within their communities, i.e. within the bisexual community, lesbian communities or gay communities. The majority of bi-curious women choose to date outside their sexual minority, but it can be a difficult decision for those who would prefer to remain within their communities to start a relationship with another person of the same sex.